That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
