Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
