we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
