I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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