Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
