There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
