she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
