TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
