I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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