I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
