I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
