Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
