grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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