So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
