so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
