The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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