I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
