I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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