people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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