someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
