shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
