Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
