So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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