hell yes lets make some ravioli
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
