when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
