every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
