I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
