Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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