I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
