So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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