I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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