I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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