I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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