I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
