you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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