dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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