she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
