her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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