Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
