Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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