I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
