She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
