I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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