we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my poor anus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
