this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
