in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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