My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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