guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
