You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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