Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
