so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
