If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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