After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
