I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
