My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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