well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
