When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize