I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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