there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Life is so much better after having sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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