'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
