there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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