Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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