god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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