this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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