youre lurking in front of me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
