This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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