I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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