We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
