my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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