Can Purell be used as lube?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize