dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
