now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
