You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
